I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
