I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I could make wine with my vomit
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
