your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
