Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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