What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
