the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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