also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
