eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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