Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
