what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
