he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
