ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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