dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
