look no pants
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
