sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
