i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
