I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
