the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Fuck appropriateness.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
