false alarm. still invincible.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
