every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
