ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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