Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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