Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
