If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
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Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
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Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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