if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
