im drinking this country out of the recession.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
