there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
