i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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