i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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