It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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