This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
