I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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