Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
