did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
When are your genitals available?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
