I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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