Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
