Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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