I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
