well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
