I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
