Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
