My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
