I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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