Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
