why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
