She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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