Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
