girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
