maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Randomize
