My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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