The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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