Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
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Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize