She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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