I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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