That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
