girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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