For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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