I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
