Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
