I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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