need another drink. this is the easiest way
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
