his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
