Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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