We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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