jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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