Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
