I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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