my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize