He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
