Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
