you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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